Friends with Exes
Lately, I’m finding myself thinking of a few exes. Not in a sexual, yearning type of way, but just out of natural curiosity of how their well being is. I wonder if that is natural and if other women or men, who are married, ever think about their exes?
I have been recently wondering about one in particular. Would it be wrong for me to get in touch with him and reopen the lines of communication? Let’s name the one I’m referring to as C, to protect his identity.
The reason I stopped the lines of communication with C was out of necessity. It was becoming unhealthy for my current relationship. Although, he is the one who ultimately cut ties because he got angry at me for something silly. I didn’t bother to resolve it and let it stand.
When the incident happened, I didn’t apologize because I knew I had to distance myself from him. After being in a long distance relationship for 7 ½ years, I met someone else and in 11 months fell in love and got engaged. I think my new relationship wasn’t easy for him. I felt bad, but staying in touch was upsetting my fiancé. Staying friends is not always easy for all parties.
Plus, I was staying in touch because at the time I felt bad for him. Pity is never a reason to stay friends with someone. He had a few life crises to deal with and my heart went out to him, and I felt I couldn’t just end a friendship after all those years, at that point in his life.
My family didn’t understand my friendship. I guess it’s one of life’s big questions. Do you stay friends with your exes? For some people it can work, but it can also be awkward.
posted by Gail @ 3:02 PM
3 Comments:
I've stayed friends with some exes but for me it is only OK if everything is above board and the current person in your life knows about it and hopefully even is friendly with them too. It isn't for everyone though and if you and he aren't friends at this point I don't really suggest pursuing it. Have I told you congrats yet by the way?
Well, it depends I think. I wrote on this awhile ago. I think the general concensus is:
it is okay unless it totally freaks your partner out, then you have to seriously consider how important that friendship is and if you are willing to risk your relationship for it (as long as the partner isn't just some kind of control freak).
And the reason I say that is - if your partner has an ex that they keep in touch with, that they were together with for as long as you were, HONESTLY how do you think you would feel about it?
Stay in touch with exes? ONLY if you both got happily married. And very occassionally. And if no moral issues were on the first place (i.e. if you didn't break up because of cheating or other serious character issues but over, say, geography or disagreement about how to spend free time.)
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