Celebrate

Well, it only took the fertility specialists 2 shots but it worked--I'm expecting. I'm in the safe zone now so I feel good to talk about it. I'm 16 weeks.

I finally gained some more weight. At first I lost a few pounds and I think the doctor was concerned. I certainly wasn't. It's not like I was counting caleries and I had been eating a few blizzards and shivers with candy toppings. At my last visit, the doc said you need to gain more. He'll be surprised when he sees me in a few weeks as I gained 10 pounds--eeks. I know it's healthy and that it's ok, but I'm not thrilled with the large numbers on the scale. It's difficult to accept. I can't wait until 9 months are up and I have a beautiful baby in my arms. So far, it's not been too tough of a pregnancy. I've just had a few problems here and there.

The View

I haven't been so happy with The View ever since Meredith Viera left the show. At least when she moderated all the other women seemed to voice their opinion. Their seemed to be a lot of respect and equality. Then when Rosie came on, it seemed to become the Rosie and Elisabeth Hasselbeck show. The other women were like background settings. I miss Joy's opinion and feedback. I've only caught it once with Whoopi but it seemed aside from Elisabeth, on the date I caught, she was the only other active participant. What's going on and will the show get better? I miss all the women's viewpoint--hence The View.

Exercise

So the eight pounds or so that I was struggling to keep off since before the wedding have found out where I lived and crept back onto my body. I've been depressed about it and annoyed putting on my clothes and feeling the tightness around my thighs and waist.

I was thinking about exercise but just couldn't get my act together until the other week. I finally made it back to the gym. And it feels great. I'm using baby steps to get there. I got a work out sheet to follow the gym equipment and when I can I am doing aerobics on the machines for 20 plus minutes. It makes me happy. Yippee. The tough thing is patience. I keep hoping the pounds will come off quickly but I know it's going to take some time.

So the other month I contacted an old friend from college. It felt really great and we actually got together as she came into town. Then she called the next week and I didn't get back to calling her until like 2 weeks after--rude, I know. But now I haven't heard back. I've emailed her twice and she's reading them or her husband could be and no reply. It's so strange. Hmph. I always wonder what is going on in people's brains.

A trip

I just took a mental trip to 1998 when I went on my first trip to Israel. It was a mission trip with the Jewish National Fund. They paid for most of my trip and I just had to supplement my airfare. The only catch was that I had to get on and off a bus to look at 50 water reservoirs and was to be hit for a donation later in the trip.

The trip was spectacular from the start. I met some new friends--not everlasting, developed a crush, landing a boyfriend with another guy at the end of the trip and left with amazing memories.

Today I was reading my local Jewish paper and noticed a celebration for Israeli Independence day going on later in the month. Instead of a pony ride, they are having camel rides. The camel picture transported me back to my Israel trip when our group went to spend the night in the dessert with some bedouins.

During the late afternoon, they offered camel rides to the group. I wanted to go but had some fear. Not fear of riding the camel, but fear of smelling like one afterwards. It was cold during the day and later as the son set and temperatures reached below zero we weren't exactly going to shower. They did have shower stalls in a separate area that was in a noninsulated structure with no hot water. And, did I mention it was freezing? But after the ride, there was a big dinner around a fire and everyone went directly into the tent to sleep with the entire group. I just couldn't spare the thought of smelling like horse crap while trying to sleep on a mat. Dirty horses and camels smell the same--sorry.

Gazing back at the picture of the camel in the Jewish paper made me think I need to conquer a new fear. Sort of like crossing out items on your list of things to do before you die. I think there is a camel ride in my future. Heck, I'll be 20 minutes away from home and shower after.

The Next Step

So my husband and I hit a point in the marriage--months ago--that we are ready to start a family. Although we've only been married about a 1 1/2 years, we're older than perhaps the average couple. But, who knew it would be so hard to conceive? The way my mom talked growing up, conception should have happened on our honeymoon.

I hear about 18 year olds everyday, who don't want a child, gettting knocked up from having sex just once. It's pathetic and aggravating. Plus I know of a young couple who has no promising future and they keep popping out babies. Of course, they are irresponsible, ignore their crying babies,have done drugs and yet--they are blessed with children. I don't understand the logic?

On the opposite spectrum, we are not drinking, have never done drugs, are taking great care of ourselves, have saved enough to support a family and nothing. Close friends have said "not to worry" and "it'll happen." I'm glad some much older friends advised us to go to a specialist. For once, I ignored my friends and I couldn't be happier. Although it's sad I've left them in the dark about my situation.

It's been four months now of seeing a specialist to discover we do have a fertility problem. Lot's of testing involved. We're still not sure what is going on but my husband and I have to go see other specialists now. It's frustrating to say the least. To further aggravate the situation, my husband's awful HMO is costing us another precious month because he couldn't get a needed referrel. He now has to make 2 appointments just to go to one appointment. So...when the doctors do get a game plan it'll be several months later. I wouldn't care if I were in my 20s.

It really is crazy. At least in my upbringing, my sisters and I spent our early adult lives worrying that we might or could have a chance of getting pregnant so we were careful and did every measure to make sure it wouldn't happen at an early age--including abstinance. And now, it can't even happen. I sort of wish, I had not been so careful in my early twenties. Perhaps I would have one child by now. Then I wouldn't be as upset. Of course, that probably would have changed my future outcome and I might not have met my wonderful hubby. Hmph.I'm just venting.

Lost time

I disappeared for awhile because I wasn't able to access my account without going to Google. Problem was I can't find a name that suits me, isn't cheesy, and that's available. Any sugestions?

Men

Do men only hear what they want? Sort of like children with selective listening--hearing dessert but not the word bedtime? It can be annoying.

A few weeks ago my husband asked me if I wanted to join him for a hoiday party. I said that I would like to. I thought it would be fun. I enjoy parties. He said, if not, he had asked a friend in his line of work who would go. He thought I might not want to go because I might be bored while he networked. I didn't care. I can hold my own.

Then on the way to dinner last night my husband said, "Oh, tomorrow I'll be home late." Why, I asked. "Because I'm going to that holiday party I told you about with my friend." Well, did you forget I was coming with you?

Yes, he had no clue. It was like we never had a conversation. Or, if we did, he went into the conversation thinking of the outcome he wanted. Never mind what we actually discussed.

He back pedaled and said, "Oh,I didn't realize you wanted to go. I'm sure my friend will be relieved he doesn't have to go." But then I was done. I had no more interest in going. Plus, I've been a little blue with my kitty being gravely ill and all. I haven't exactly been in the mood to make small talk with new people who probably felt the same. You don't exactly walk into an attorney firm's holiday party expecting to meet a new, best friend.

My husband kept insisting I should come. I had no more desire. I think I'm more annoyed that he didn't listen to me. I take it very personally when I have a specific conversation with someone and they have no clue it ever took place.
Won't my hubby feel like a 3 year old when I ask him to repeat back to me what I say in our next conversation!

Men.

Kitty Cat Blues

Kitty Cat Blues

I love animals, and I especially love my baby cat I’ve raised now for the past 16 years. And, without bragging, I’d have to say he’s the sweetest and best cat I’ve ever known. He cuddles, coos, and acts like a baby and has been fairly low maintenance. Plus, he’s as loyal as a dog. He listens and follows me around the house. He jumps up when I snap my fingers to him. And, he comes when I whistle and call him.

My family got him as a kitten when my other cat died of liver cancer. And, he’s just been a joy. Recently, I’ve gotten frustrated with him because he’s thrown up on the comforter a few times and on the carpet. Don’t get me wrong, he’s always thrown up every few months, but I had to wash the comforter 3 days in a row from him and it just got to be a little much. Just when I would clean it up, change the sheets and remake the bed, he would do it again. I never understood why he couldn’t puke on the tile floor. That’s easy to clean. Then after I cleaned it up, he’d do it again. You get frustrated and tired of cleaning it! Plus, how do you disinfect carpet? Yuck. So I thought to myself, I love him, but one day when it’s his time, it’ll be nice when I don’t have to deal with it: cleaning all the puke, the litter box and being extra careful removing any plastic from the house –as he eats it. In addition, I’ve developed a dog and cat allergy. I can deal with that. I’ve been taking allergy shots for the past two years.

Now I’m feeling guilty like I gave him a death sentence. He hasn’t been feeling well the past few weeks. I took him to a new vet, and she told me he has water surrounding his lungs and he’s in distress. At home, however, he’s been his normal self minus not eating his hard food.So I gave him soft food. I thought I was taking him in just to leave with a laxative–not a death sentence. The vet actually wants to put him down. And, I tell ya–I’m a wreck. That’s my baby. I lost his best friend, another good cat, to a mouth tumor two years ago and I cried every day for a week when I came home after putting him down. He used to greet me when I opened the door to the house.

I called another vet for a second opinion. It just sucks. There’s never a good time for any death–whether person or animal. It always is hard. I hope he’ll be ok. I’ll keep everyone informed.

Something Weird

I had a mini-twilight zone experience yesterday when I went on a work errand. I had to deliver some papers at this other office complex.

When I walked up to the front of the building about 10 men were outside smoking and watching me as I went inside. While I waited at the elevator, an older gentleman came inside and waited alongside with me. When the elevator opened, I walked inside and waited for the gentleman but he didn't come it. He yelled to me, "I'll just grab the next one!" Ok, did I step in dog poop or something?

Then I went to the floor and couldn't find the suite I needed. The suite label was in a tiny nook with no door or entrance. When I went to the next suite a woman there told me to cut through their office because the new office is waiting for a door to be cut out of the drywall and put in. Alrighty then.

After I dropped off my package, I went back to the elevators and waited for it to come up to the top floor. When the doors opened two gentlemen were inside and I waited a second so they could walk off. They didn't move and said to me, "are you coming on?" Ok, I thought, but I assumed they were leaving. As soon as I stepped inside, they left and one of them said, "Now, we can leave." Could it get any weirder?

AS I drove out of the complex I needed to make a left turn. A car was coming from the right and was turning into the complex I was leaving. The other car clearly had the right of way and wouldn't turn in until I left! Bizarro. Was everyone just being overly polite to me or did I just leave the twilight zone?