Happiness and Weight Gain

Happiness, I’m told, not depression has contributed to my recent “relationship weight gain.” My quads and my lower belly are trying to outgrow my petite 5'4" frame. Who knew my thighs could be so happy?

Fellow friends and acquaintances say happiness and weight gain go together like a french manicure and a Louis Vuitton hand bag, but I disagree. It doesn’t have to be like that.

I first noticed something was wrong at the beginning of winter when I put on my first pair of heavy slacks. Attempting to cinch the waist, I noticed an inch gap between the button and the fastening hole. Hmph, I threw down the pants in a pile and slated it for Good Will. I grabbed another pair and the same thing happened. Well, I told my shattered ego, those pants were outdated anyway. Then, when I had trouble zipping a skirt, that’s always been a little big, I realized, Houston, we have a problem.

What happened? Who broke into my home and shrank all my clothes? This must be the worst case of vandalism I ever heard of. I had to stop and think. It must be the woman who comes to clean once a month. I’ll have to talk with her about laundering my clothes. My second thought was, if my tops were rising above my naval, perhaps my prayers have finally been answered and my boobs were growing! My boyfriend confirmed otherwise.

I wondered what happened, but then like a projectile thrown out of a window at my head, I realized how I contributed to extra pounds in the past ten months. My boyfriend’s enjoyment of eating hotdogs on the weekend (100 percent beef and kosher) and an oversized cup of sugared soda to wash it down became my weekend tradition too. And suddenly, my three times a week workout didn’t fit into my busy time schedule anymore.

Is happiness and my own security to blame for my gain? There are drugs for depression. How do I convince my doctor I might need a pill to curve my happiness. I have started to portion control a little, and I have bought the South Beach diet book. I’m still on chapter one though. Time will only tell if I can add will power to my stability.